And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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