If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize