why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
