SEEEEXXX PLEASE
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
