I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
