Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
