I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
