ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
