I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
