its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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