planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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