It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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