i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So vagazzling was a success
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
