What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
