There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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