Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
