i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize