Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
