I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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