remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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