i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
