hotel room ftw
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
