my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
