he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
