it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
