i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
