You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
