This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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