Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Houston, we have a blender
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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