Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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