It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize