After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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