At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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