You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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