Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize