I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
