Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
