sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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