can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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