I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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