So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
