Are we in a gay sports bar?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My breasts were aching with rage.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
