And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
