Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
