we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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