Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
