I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
