somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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