i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
