I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
