I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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