i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
