I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
