You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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