i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
