All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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