I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
