just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
