Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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