He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
