so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
