i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
