Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
