shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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