just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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