I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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