you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
