I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize