So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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