I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
