kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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