I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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