Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
