I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
