Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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