Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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