It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
