the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
