I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
