Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
