Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am naked and annoyed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
