Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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