the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had to cum in my sink.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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